Love Letters Formally Array

So to say… I hurt my ankle a couple weeks ago. I had not realized that I would need so much time to heal from it. Funny how it goes arrr. A couple things on my mind. Who of you knows that I have been developing this performative ( how do you say, the reveal or unmasking) well I aim to draw attention to things we rarely talk about. Of course not everyone knows about this in fact only those who have experienced the darker side realize where a certain desire may rise from. Let’s put that aside for now. I wouldn’t want to spoil a beautiful act. More on my mind is the show I got to watch yesterday. Perhaps I have indeed found a worthy stage amongst devils who dare to beware the regard and dispatching it away. Funny how I look up and the thing I see is exactly the message I need. I would insert a couple of winks here and there but tragically comedia deems that I have no person before me that would see. If only…

I’ll trace my steps back and address this concern I have. For some time now there has been a face in my heart. Night and day I wake up thinking about what I had done. Only time could tell truly what I have done and how it was perceived but take a second to unjudge and let’s dismantle this haze. I had not realized I might have been overshadowing myself with an idea of myself that I had. Of course alongside time it takes humans who have experienced your being alongside to reflect the truth of what you are at that time and that is also how you might take a moment to realize oh wow! Have I been wrong? Meaning: do you often realize this gap. The gap between well I don’t know how to say. Actually better the yet, I do not want to say. Let’s get back into it shall we. I’ll stop stalling. Let’s go ahead and play.

He stood in a distance and I noticed him from the conrer of my eye. Charlie was talking to me but my mind was inside the other moment Jasper had created in time. He reached out to my hand and I pulled back but I could not realize how far back I had stepped away. In his eyes I saw a moments glance. I could not understand what it had all meant and I was being pulled to take even further steps towards the lake. I could see the crying tree and it’s leaves brushing near the plants on the ground. His back facing me as he sat on the rock by the water, his head bent down and hands brushing the water along with the long branches hooding his figure as if caving him inside. I got closer to him as much as I could but it just seemed he would get farther away as I tried to make a pull. I was shaking my head and I only noticed I did because Charlie yelled out and it got further the sound as if from the walls of the caves it echoed around and round and round. I knew there was a reason Jasper appeared out of nowhere, it could not have been that pure coincidence led him to me and Charlie as we stood near where the bridge ended and the sea began.

Looking at them I saw on her face that something was wrong. I was convinced it isn’t the right time for them to go but they seem ready to leave and all I can do is try. Try to understand.

In my mind his thoughts echoed and I could no longer hear Charlie’s whisper. I felt my sound decrease and so did the breathe in my mind as I drifted backwards I reached for his hand.

Take time.

Take time.

Take time.

I remember that time. I was so afraid. Utterly lost. Within disappointment and a panic at heart. I could not feel safe, warm or hugged. Perhaps I needed to be with friends but all of them had other hearts and we drifted apart and my privilege began to tear me apart from all that sharing I had learned without the cash in my pocket I had had to spare. Another worry lost. Sweat and tears of my child heart disappearing in a moment without explanation or reason. Questioning yet again the flowing river. I found my place but the stream is too tough to keep holding onto this rock. Perhaps I need to stumble upon fighting for my life a branch that floats on the surface just like my shallow breathing keeping me up.

He told me he would hold me, time would move and I would reunite. I love her, I told him and I cried for we had grown up together and it had been so long since I held her and she trusted me without choice.

Well time passed.

He held me.

Then he lost.

He was never to keep me nor I him. For this planet we roamed as earth called was only and ever to be lived on once.