The Past Tense

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He saw them from a distance and had not much to say other than the urge to yell: "STOP" he wasn't much audible though as he was on a different clock. From where he was standing they were far too close to the edge and the woman kept his child below her chest. Bodies seemed to be bare but that was not the case. She wore a blue dress flying around with the wind and complementing the skies around the setting sun. He had a brown leather jacket and a golden chain around his neck. Our guy held out his hand and put in perspective what he saw before his eyes. Walking up close it felt as if just like the theory of forever he would only ever get closer and closer but never within the same space.

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She looked at the man before her eyes. Registering with the corner of her mind the approaching figure. Her eye was tearing up and she did not know in real time the reason as to why. The man before her took a step towards her and she stumbled backwards till she found her ground. They were hugging, in the eyes of the third person observing them from the distance he walked. However truth intact they were just inches from hugging and miles from it truly happening. A moment it takes to make things happen but this moment bore all moments of the past. Puzzled at herself she put her hand on her core and whispered a prayer audible to none other than the one within her.

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" Hi." He said with his lips in a fish pout and eyes mercifully in awe gazing towards her approaching face. " Hi." She said with an amused but indifferent face. There is a man I have never seen before but somehow recognize she thought to herself. He started to talk and their conversation got long. The friend who had introduced the two took a step out and left the ones to talk about. They opened mouths and shut them only to continue later on in the night. Like honey the exchange kept dripping and sticking and seemed near the impossible to exchange for any other word of mouth. It felt to our protagonist (allow her to be me) as if this was the best ever conversation that I had ever had. Entertaining and interesting with a witty but not beyond or about the words. The attitude flew at heights and none of the blows seemed just right. Coming home we sat in a warm circle; all the friends and those who wouldn't count sitting together and about. Instruments at hand and this lovely boy laid out on the couch behind our sitting figures known to all other than me who tried but yearned to hold my hand. I had known. Known indeed facts and trials about the sweet joyful past. It seems indeed that this clown was in fact 'married'. It seemed so odd that a boy so young would have married away and looked so in need of love or help or me of all! I could not believe nor did I yield my hand. I stood my ground and perhaps attentively caressed him just once so that we would not crumble but on the contrary; I could honor the hope and joy I felt when I conversed with one matching my chat. Pittiful confusion it seemed as if I had no explanation and the world is was and will be constantly new to me with members appearing I know not instantly how to deal with nor place within my life. Topics held aside.

I dreamt of him last night. This is a love and lover I miss so dearly sometimes but give me a moment it is not fair to call him a lover for he is more than all a brother or a friend. Let us call him Jasper.

Genie In The Eye

I was wondering whether to send an updated version of my most recent update but then I settled to reason that perhaps it wasn’t really the best time to interact regarding attention drawn outwards.

Let me clarify my words. I met this opportunity and even before I type the words actually spoken to me in my mind I visualize the face of another kind. Am I a cheater to my own, blind!? No, the fact is intact. There is no way to trace this face. It is all about this play I have regarding wild oats that need to be sown but let me tell you dear friend, lover or reader. They have already long been tended to. See the puzzling thing is my feelings are reserved for this man I met who was the most gentle I had ever laid my eyes on. The distance between us and if I may due to my craze and his space is one I have not come to riddle out just yet. There can never be a leave to take nor am I ungrateful for the opportunity to pant like water has been taken hostage from my grasp.

Enough with the theatrics, morning shines to all… I have some words in my mind that need to be spat out about villains and all. Do you guys remember these guys that hide in costumes that nowadays have become super dull if I may humbly comment on the fashion sense of them all, and no, before y’all jump in and ask whether I talk of the superhero cult that is in fact not what these guys are all about. On the contrary wouldn’t one see and agree to the fact that it’s almost as if these guys calling themselves the top man of many an old boy are like seedlings planted to challenge those who are meant to grow. See this here is me quoting a man who had read books beyond his given plan. To see the people who run, ehem excuse the cough; ruin. Oops must be the season of the flu…

It seems idle to me to be wasting emotions on decisions that seemingly affect most and I do realize I might be speaking from a point of privilege but come on you people who felt forced to listed to that content we were fed in the classrooms other than of course to an average degree enough to grab the gist and make sure level grades would be obtained to always partake and evermore underplay this semi forced game called school.

Let’s analyze this now: there is an aspect that benefits such as the reward and award and punishment task. We cannot all engage in therapeutic discussion or breathwork or yoga or philosophical mind bogglement now can we? Especially not when we are children ( hence I left out the obvious BDSM play thing). What I mean is quite clear but for those who disagree I shall further indulge in this point. Through examples such as addiction- calling attention to conditioning. Cue in Pink Floyd’s “ We Don’t Need No Education”.

Alright I admit my point is quite messy but who gets the gist?

The Billiard Game

Alright, all the sap aside. Do you know how much weighs on a forgotten mind? The terrorized innocent child being pushed and shoved aside by all the strength it takes not to look on the right side… Do not read into my words this is not a political dictation ( wink wink). I can use both my left and right hand. Now recently I was told by my husband in another time that my writing was distracting him from his day and life while work highlighted his time. As a matter of fact this man does not confide in the definition being my husband brings him to live out as a responsibility and that is as a fact due to the reason of us being out of wedlock. I can confirm my mentality gets the better of reality and concepts such as time and space are a relative matter dependant on practical physics theorized as an old school reading a.k.a. ‘Waste of time’ if I am going to be harsh. I am only joking it is a great time chasing the logic by testing the true meaning of words used to theorize the reality we confine ourselves within. Now ask me the question of what it is I am talking about and before you do I shall answer to prove of my wits that a handful they are. Take a chance on me darling. She said and turned around.

Years ago I had an idea. It is as follows: a love story between a man and a girl interrupted by a brother who was lost. These people are recognizable to one another with marks on their skin that are only visible when acting on a whim led by the magic of the written words. Only caught in sight by those who can see time as it flows amongst us within the land, wind and sun.

One of the silly days when the sun shines bright and reflects off the white tiled floor of this bakery she works in. A man walks inside. His face is invisible at first. Starting from bottom to top she traces his figure. He wears suede dress shoes and pants that match the style. Thhey cast a shadow as he takes gentle but firm steps approaching where she stands in awe behind the desk.

“Can you tell me how I sound?” Her chin slides on her palm and the black marble counter top shines her face back to her eyes. ‘ Excuse me?’ She fumbles out of her mouth and it becomes apparent he was wondering how his footstep sounded. A bit confused she shakes her head and points towards all the baked and frosted goods on the display window. He doesn’t seem to budge his glance from her eyes. That is the first time she sees his eyes and in that instant she recognizes this man. ‘ It’s my move’ it almost sounds out loud but on the contrary this statement is merely a whisper from within her chest.

He chuckles at the rest. What do you think about it if I played a bit before I bought my cake and left? His eyes were suggesting she had made a mistake. On herself mostly but she could not wait to find out more about all of this he was thinking about in his mind. Fearing judgement on her wrist and waist she ignored all his attempts and led him to reveal the mission he was trusted with. He looked at her again and this time squinting his eyes but without a moment’s weakness, too excited to reveal the dreams and worries in his mind. It felt to her as if no one had inquired before about his imagination regarding the reality that occuppied his mind. Suddenly she too grabbed and interest and instead of this boy with golden hair as beautiful as gathered hay became less interesting than what he started to tell.

Interruption to the mind a seed jumps in and suddenly a doubt. Can’t you see I’m busy? I tell him to go away and cast spells elsewhere and he turns to me to say it is me. Don’t you recognize me? These spells I want to cast aren’t consisting of curses or bland tries to ease your worried mind. I love you. He whispers mildly a spice.

A game changer it is these dreams we have. At times forecasting future brands and at times whispering lost loves and even fears in a bundle of joyous adventure and the most wanted alive. This brother in conversation boggled my mind one of the yester days. Who I had meant? Of course fanning the fiction there is a truth to these words. A part of my life reinterpreted through the pink glasses right. No need or way to require it's confirmation of sense making from fellow travellers on Earth.

Golden Boy

How do I progress from this point onwards? I have consumed my love. I now feel one with my heart. My mind is alongside and within. We now act as a group once again. Funny how t sounds. I would agree but who is to claim otherwise when all the comical resides within the comicidal truth of the inevitable task of trying your best. I know the previous sentence sounds pretty rushed. I did cheat to conclude. Let me start by talking about a great happening of coincidential value, ergo destined to become my truth in life. I have to write and I have been playing around. She sighed and dropped her head in her hand shaking it slightly from side to side. It is funny because let me tell you how it works out. So by holding my ground and needing to express my heart I have come across a map the map is written out by my intiuitive glance.

Enough stalling he whispered out loud. It sounded more like a shout but of the playful kind, you know… So here it goes. I am an alien and I will identify myself with my alias to share this part of my life journaling the emotions that ride me wild. Adding and subtracting from the truth by narrating this play that takes stage in my life. Recent enough I got to smile. To my luck or how to call it the coin facing my side. The gold sparkled my eye as it appeared as a smile and a winking mouth. I had so much time in my hands but none to waste in the air. All of a sudden I realized it had been my wish and all my dreams fulfilled. I realized this man that had appeared was different than every other body I had ever met. She lifts her head the slightest and fawning fans her face, cheeks red, a bit wet with sweat ;) I imagine his smiling face right now, reading the words narrating our part of a story told. Looking up I thought it can’t be but it had been in fact reality.

So I will describe this scene in my head recalling his smile and yearning to be understood and his warmth when approaching me: he grabbed my elbow gently and caressed me smiling into my eyes. In a moment my solid heart in defense melted into his hold and I knew I had found my way home.