Clown Array
Can’t you see me, Lara?! I love to see you happy and full of life, come caress my sould beautiful body of mine, you wonderful girl. Flower power and love all around. I know how you love the boy but is it actually just that you want him to love you?
If I were a machine I would have learned how to behave. When I get an answer and when I feel like I want to weep… Joke aside he told me, explicitly mentioned it to me. That time is a matter which cannot be bent for matters in hand.
Standing over there. Distance between seems like infinitely none. Above in my chest this tingly love. In my throat, near my heart. I want to throw up. Call someone, get out of my head. Move around with the light. It’s so warm now. My appartment is a lit and outside it’s cold. Time for the candles and warm light out door.
She sits by the window. Sipping her drink. Something warm, a bit orange and meak. Her sight gazez outside where it’s a dark blue shade on top of an indigo light. It’s dark but the snow white makes it dimmed out sun as if the moon sparkled around warms the sky. Her hands there is a book in them and she reads outloud from within. Lifting her head up she sees and suddenly hears the bell to the woodlined shop ring.
I wonder if he sees through my bedroom window sometimes…
Sitting by the window and looking outside her hand reaches in her pocket and suddenly she takes out a paper folded in two. In it written a secret she unfolds it.
“ Is this seat taken?” He asks her. She doesn’t notice she was spoken to at first but then his face becomes clear through the light seeping through. She lifts her head from the imaginary land she ahd been exploring moments ago after placing a finger on the surface of the paper. His face is unlike any she had ever seen before. She knew him but she was certain from no other life. Time focused to that mere moment. His soul piercing through her retina.
Can I be in love with him? In love at the same time as being indifferent to him. Belittling him to who he is and suddenly I feel so but projecting more of me into him and him I want to explore. Never before in any way I had been looked straight in the eye as a first encounter. Moments of the sort. I cherish them as if they aren’t mine to begin with. A grieving mind missing a piece. So deeply in place. Can I ask him to forgive all the time we have been out of each other’s sight when it has been as much me as him who was just not allowed. To break the spell.
I find myself idly arguing with the sensations I have and whether my intentions or feelings are true to that in my head. What a ridicule is this mechanical prop of time that has me wasting grains of my mind heart.
She shakes her head from side to side and takes her bag from on top of the chair and hangs it behind the one on which she is sat.
‘So. How have you been?’ It sounds like that’s what he asks but no words leave his mouth and he appears to know the answer even before her mask. She does not know what to do because suddenly there is no where left to go.
When will you come home?